Arby, the Wonder Penis

Carl never asked to become famous. He just wanted a little “enhancement,” not a full-blown sidekick with opinions, a Brooklyn accent, and a penchant for fedora shopping on Etsy.

“You don’t treat a national treasure like this!” Arby shouted from inside Carl’s boxer briefs. “This is velvet real estate, pal. You got a wonder of the world down here, and you’re dressing it in Walmart cotton!”

Carl wept quietly in a Walgreens parking lot. Again.