Don’t Tell Me It Depends: A Boomer’s War on the Gray Area

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who like tidy answers and those who get off on saying “it depends.” I’ve never trusted the second group. They’re the ones who’ll look you in the eye while your house is on fire and tell you, “Well, maybe it’s not the fire that’s the problem, maybe it’s your relationship to combustion.” Go to hell, Chad. The fire is the problem.

See, I’m a black-and-white thinker. Always have been. If the light is red, you stop. If someone lies to you, they’re untrustworthy. If your steak is overcooked, the waiter screwed up. There’s comfort in that. There’s certainty. There’s a world that behaves the way it’s supposed to. This squishy middle-ground nonsense feels like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall. Unsatisfying. Unstable. Usually a mess.

I know this about myself. I’ve wrestled with it. I’ve tried to meet the world halfway. But nine times out of ten, the world wants me to bend while it keeps its options open. No thank you.

Let’s talk about why.

The Appeal of Certainty

When you grow up in a house where nothing makes sense, you start looking for absolutes. You start looking for the things you can count on. If I get good grades, maybe Dad won’t yell tonight. If I follow the rules, maybe Mom won’t cry. If I just do everything “right,” then maybe life will give me a break.

You start making rules in your head. Systems. These little mental contracts with the universe. Like, “If I show up early, work hard, and don’t complain, I’ll be respected.” And when that doesn’t happen? When you show up, bleed for a job, and still get passed over by some schmoe in khakis who’s better at golf? You either break down, or you double down.

I doubled down.

That’s what black-and-white thinking is, in the end. It’s a defense mechanism in a cheap suit. It’s the part of your brain screaming, “Just give me one thing I can trust.”

And honestly? Sometimes it works. Sometimes it saves your damn life.

The Problem with “It Depends”

Now let’s look at the other side. The dreaded gray area.

People love to romanticize nuance. They’ll tell you how the world isn’t black and white, it’s “shades of gray.” Oh please. That’s not wisdom. That’s indecision in a turtleneck. Half the time when someone says “it depends,” what they really mean is “I don’t want to be pinned down to an opinion that might bite me in the ass later.”

“It depends” has become a religion. It’s the lazy man’s out. The non-committal shrug of academia. The go-to answer of every middle manager trying not to take responsibility.

Ask a trainer if carbs are bad and they’ll say, “Well, it depends on your goals.” Ask a therapist if your marriage is doomed and they’ll go, “Well, it depends on your communication patterns.” Ask a politician anything and you’ll get so many dependencies you’d think you were installing software.

I get it. Life is complicated. But here’s the thing. Sometimes a straight answer is more helpful than a nuanced one. Sometimes people need a damn lifeline, not a thesis.

Why the World Hates Absolutes

We live in a culture that’s obsessed with nuance because it’s terrified of being wrong. Saying “it depends” is safe. It’s socially acceptable cowardice. And it infects everything. Healthcare. Politics. Relationships.

Take wellness. You ask, “Should I be taking this supplement?” and the response is, “Well, it depends on your bloodwork, microbiome, epigenetics, vitamin D exposure, and how often you look at your phone.” What the hell? Just tell me if it helps or not. People are drowning in data while starving for clarity.

Or look at relationships. If someone cheats, that used to be a dealbreaker. Now it’s, “Well, it depends on the context of the relationship, trauma history, and attachment styles.” Okay sure, but did they break trust or not? I’m not asking for a dissertation. I’m asking for a compass.

Somewhere along the way, “understanding” replaced “deciding.” That’s not always a step forward.

When Black-and-White Thinking Works

The truth is, sometimes black-and-white thinking is exactly what you need. If you’re in crisis, nuance is the last thing you want. When the building’s on fire, you don’t ask if maybe it’s symbolic. You grab a hose.

Clear lines are good in some places. In law. In ethics. In parenting. If your kid hits someone, you don’t say, “Well, it depends.” You say, “We don’t do that.”

Boundaries, baby. Lines in the sand. These are not weaknesses. They’re the bones of civilization.

And let’s be real. Gray area thinkers still live by black-and-white rules. They just dress them up in soft language. Try not paying your taxes and see how nuanced the IRS is. Try committing a crime and telling the judge, “Well, your honor, it depends.” Let me know how that goes.

Where I’ve Paid the Price

Of course, this mindset has cost me. I’ve lost relationships because I couldn’t see past my own perspective. I’ve written people off when maybe I should’ve leaned in. I’ve judged too harshly. I’ve burned bridges over principles that probably weren’t worth the gasoline.

There’s a reason they call it rigid thinking. Because sometimes it snaps.

I’ve been the guy who couldn’t let go. The one who needed things to make sense. And when life didn’t cooperate. When good people died. When hard work didn’t pay off. When I did everything right and still got the short end. I blamed the rules instead of accepting that maybe life doesn’t have any.

That’s the dark side of black-and-white thinking. You think you’re chasing justice, but really you’re just terrified of chaos.

Trying to Soften the Edges

Lately, I’ve been trying to live in the gray a little more. Not because I like it. But because I’ve realized that most of life happens there.

Truth is, people are messy. Stories have chapters you don’t see. And sometimes “it depends” is the only honest answer, as much as I hate it.

But I still believe in clarity. I still believe in accountability. And I damn sure believe in saying what you mean. If you’re going to give me nuance, fine. But don’t hide behind it like it’s wisdom when really it’s fear.

Tell me the truth. Tell me where you stand. Give me the black or give me the white. And if it really has to depend, then at least tell me what the hell it depends on.

Wrapping It Up

So yeah. I’m a black-and-white guy in a grayscale world. I’m trying to adapt, but I’ll always believe in straight answers, clear lines, and knowing where the hell you stand.

Maybe that makes me old-fashioned. Maybe that makes me rigid. Or maybe it just makes me someone who doesn’t want to drown in ambiguity while pretending it’s enlightenment.

And if that offends you?

Well. I guess it depends.