The Wellness Cult: How Positive Thinking Is Gaslighting You
There’s a cult that doesn’t wear robes, doesn’t meet in basements, and doesn’t chant in airports. Their temple is Instagram. Their scripture is Pinterest quotes in pretty fonts. Their sermons are twenty-second TikToks with ukulele music playing behind them. And their gospel is this: “Think positive.”
It sounds innocent. Who doesn’t want positivity? Nobody wants to be the bitter neighbor who yells at kids for cutting across the lawn. Nobody wants to be the human rain cloud at the party. So we buy into it. We smile through pain. We slap “good vibes only” stickers on our laptops. We start to believe the only thing standing between us and happiness is our attitude.
But that is where the cult hooks you. Positive thinking, pushed too far, is not harmless. It is gaslighting. It tells you your reality is wrong. It tells you your pain is your fault. It turns real suffering into a branding opportunity for wellness influencers. And it sells you the cure in neat little packages.
Why We Fall for It
We fall for positive thinking because it feels empowering at first. It gives us a sense of control in a world where most things are out of our hands. Lost your job? Don’t panic, just manifest a new one. Feeling sick? Picture yourself healthy and it will come. Alone? Send love into the universe and watch your soulmate appear.
The idea is seductive. All the hard work, all the randomness, all the ugly truth about life gets pushed aside. Instead, the story is simple. Change your thoughts, change your life.
And if it doesn’t work? Well, it must mean you didn’t try hard enough. Which is exactly the trap.
The Gaslight Effect
Positive thinking becomes toxic when it stops you from acknowledging reality. When you’re broke and scared and someone tells you, “Don’t think like that, money is just energy,” that isn’t encouragement. It is denial. It is gaslighting dressed up as wisdom.
You’re not allowed to say “I’m depressed.” You’re supposed to say “I’m finding joy in the small things.” You’re not allowed to say “I’m scared.” You’re supposed to say “I’m leaning into growth.”
The cult of positivity doesn’t want your honesty. It wants your compliance. It wants you to trade your pain for a smile so nobody else has to feel uncomfortable around you.
When Positive Thinking Gets Cruel
Here’s the darkest part. If positive thinking is the secret to health, wealth, and happiness, then failure must be your fault.
Got cancer? Maybe you didn’t think healthy enough.
Divorce? Sorry, your vibration must have been off.
Lost your house? Guess you didn’t manifest abundance the right way.
See how twisted that is? Instead of addressing real problems—disease, economic inequality, broken systems—it dumps the blame on individuals. If you suffer, it is because you failed the test of positivity.
That isn’t empowerment. That is cruelty wrapped in yoga pants.
My Own Run-In with the Cult
I’ll give you a personal example. When I was going through cancer treatment, I heard it all.
“Stay positive. You’ll beat this if you keep your spirits up.”
“Don’t talk about the pain, you’ll attract more of it.”
“Imagine yourself healthy and your cells will listen.”
I know most people meant well. But here’s the problem. My tumor didn’t give a damn about my mood. Chemo wasn’t optional. Surgery wasn’t going to be replaced by affirmations. What I needed was medical expertise, honest conversations, and space to feel scared.
But toxic positivity doesn’t want to sit with fear. It wants to smother it with forced smiles. And when I resisted, I could see the discomfort on people’s faces. They weren’t trying to make me feel better. They were trying to make themselves feel better. My honesty reminded them of their own vulnerability.
That is the dirty little secret of positive thinking. It isn’t about you. It is about them.
The Industry Behind It
Of course, there is always money involved. The wellness industry has built an empire on the back of toxic positivity. If the cure for your problems is in your mindset, then all you need is the right book, the right course, the right retreat.
They sell you crystals. Vision boards. Gratitude journals. “Abundance” masterclasses for $999. They promise that if you just align your energy, the universe will send you cash and love and perfect health.
It is the perfect scam. If it works, they take credit. If it fails, it is your fault for not being positive enough. Heads they win, tails you lose.
The Cost of Denial
So what is the harm? Isn’t positive thinking at least better than wallowing in misery?
Not always. Because denial has consequences.
People stay in toxic relationships because they believe thinking positive will fix them.
People avoid doctors because they believe negative thoughts cause disease.
People go broke buying courses that promise “abundance” instead of admitting they need a better job.
Worst of all, people feel ashamed of their real feelings. They bury their grief, their anger, their fear, until it eats them alive.
That isn’t wellness. That is rot.
Reality Is Not Negative
Here is what the cult gets wrong. Naming reality isn’t negative. Saying “I’m broke” when you are broke isn’t pessimism. It is truth. Saying “I’m sick” when you are sick isn’t weakness. It is honesty.
Acknowledging pain doesn’t make you broken. It makes you human. Denying it does not make it go away. It just makes you more alone in carrying it.
The Healthy Kind of Positivity
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying optimism is useless. Hope matters. Gratitude matters. Laughter in the middle of pain can keep you alive. But that’s not the same as denial.
Healthy positivity says, “This is hard, but I can take steps to move forward.” Toxic positivity says, “This is only hard because I think it’s hard.”
One faces reality with courage. The other hides from it under a pile of motivational quotes.
Why People Defend It
If you push back against positive thinking, people get defensive. They’ll say you are being too negative. They’ll accuse you of not wanting to grow. They’ll trot out anecdotes about someone’s grandma who cured her arthritis with affirmations and green juice.
But look closely at those same defenders. Most of them are not thriving. They are treading water. They are selling themselves the same lie because the alternative—facing life head-on—scares the hell out of them.
The Bigger Picture
There is another reason toxic positivity thrives. It fits perfectly with the American myth of rugged individualism. If everything is about mindset, then there is no need to talk about inequality, broken healthcare, or systemic failures. The rich are rich because they thought positive. The poor are poor because they didn’t.
It is a convenient story for the people at the top. It keeps the blame off the system and squarely on the individual. It sells the fantasy that if you just think hard enough, you can join the winners. And if you fail, it is only because you didn’t clap loud enough for Tinkerbell.
A Better Way
So what’s the alternative? If not positive thinking, then what?
The answer is not to become a cynic who sees doom everywhere. The answer is honesty paired with resilience. It is saying, “This hurts, but I can still keep going.” It is saying, “Life isn’t fair, but I can choose how I respond.” It is acknowledging reality while still finding reasons to move forward.
That is what real wellness looks like. Not denial. Not forced smiles. But facing the storm and still walking through it.
My Final Word
Positive thinking has its place. But toxic positivity? That is a cult. It silences pain, blames victims, and sells false hope for profit. If you want to be truly well, you need less “good vibes only” and more “real vibes always.”
So let’s retire the idea that honesty is negative. Let’s stop gaslighting people who are struggling. And let’s build a version of wellness that actually helps people live, not just pretend.
What about you? Have you been on the receiving end of “just stay positive” when all you wanted was someone to sit with you in the dark? Or do you still think positive thinking is the secret sauce of life?
